


Handprints On My Mind + Scars In My Brain

by LaughingThalia



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Book 7: Dead Beat, Daddy Issues, Escape, Father-Son Relationship, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt, Hurt MacGyver, Hurt No Comfort, Kidnapping, Loss of Limbs, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Rescue, Self-Hatred, Shooting Guns, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 18:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13687539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingThalia/pseuds/LaughingThalia
Summary: Macgyver is kidnapped by Murdoc and he reveals a lot of things Mac isn't ready to hear.They find Macgyver but Macgyver's already lost.





	1. Found.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo guys there's a Macgyver kink meme so there's that. Also I finally understand what a kink meme is. I've been hearing about kink memes for years and never bothered to actually look it up.  
> https://macgyverkink.dreamwidth.org/369.html?view=625&posted=1#cmt625

When Jack Dalton and the DXS strike force busted down the door of the compound and raced in, guns held high and ready to shoot they were all stunned and shocked to find the compound covered in corpses with Macgyver at the centre of it all.

A tray that very clearly used to contain torture tools and blades was overturned on the floor and the contents of said tray was embedded in various people's necks, heads and chests. Some bodies where still twitching, the blood oozing from their stab wounds, some were clearly dead, their brains blown out by a well placed shot to the head.

Macgyver himself was kneeling on the floor, keeled over really, with a scalpel stuck in his left arm and staring into the cold dead eyes of Murdoc. Even in death he grinned, staring right back at Mac, his eyes unblinking, his gaze unwavering. As Jack stepped closer he noticed the bruising on Murdoc's neck: hand prints. Hand prints that looked suspiciously similar to Macgyver's own hands. 

“Mac?” Jack asked softly, stepping closer towards the blond man as his other colleges checked for life. “Mac, you okay buddy?”

Mac didn't seem to hear him. He continued to stare at Murdoc's body. At closer inspection, Mac's hands were shaking.

Jack crouched down so he could get Mac's attention and put a hand on his shoulder “Mac?”

Macgyver's hand reached up and gripped on to Jack's jacket like his life depended on it, he stained Jack's shirt with blood. He tried to ease his hand off but Mac refused to let go, it reminded Jack of when a baby grabbed your finger, it made the already young Magyver seem even younger. 

“Mac.” He said, louder, hoping to finally get the agent's attention.

It seemed to work because Mac tore his eyes from Murdoc's and looked at Jack's instead “Jack.”

“Yeah buddy, it's me. Are you okay?” Even as he asked it felt like a dumb question, he clearly wasn't. Mac looked around like he'd forgotten where he was or what had happened and was trying to figure out why Jack would be asking him if he was okay. Jack worried Murdoc may have hit his head a little too hard when he kidnapped him. At least the kid didn't have some soap opera-amnesia or something. "Come on Mac, let's get you home. Bozer's worried, and Riley too. Even Cage is worried.”

“Bozer.” Mac repeated, trying to grasp onto the familiar name and pull himself out of his daze.

“Yeah, your best bud Bozer, from Mission City. You guys burnt down a football pitch together in high school? He's your room mate. He makes Christmas pastrami and it's actually really good.”

“Oh yeah, Bozer.” Mac finally looked at Jack like he was seeing him and not like he was looking in the general direction of a voice. “Jack.” he said again, this time with more clarity in his mind. “You found me.”

“Of course. Always, brother, I'm always going to find you.”

Mac let out a deep sigh and looked around again “I killed everyone.” 

Jack bit his lip, unsure how to answer. “It was self defence.”

Mac looked at the blood and bodies and brains splattered around the dark room before replying “It really wasn't. It wasn't self defence Jack, it was me finally loosing it.”

Jack winced as he saw some of the other agents turn to them in shock, Jack tried to shush the blue eyed man “Okay, we'll discuss this all later in the privacy of Matty's office but for now let's just get you all fixed up.” He ushered a doctor over and they examined the scalpel in Mac's arm which he only seemed to have noticed just now even though it looked like it had been freely flowing blood without clotting for an hour.

“Huh. I didn't even feel it.” He moved to touch the blood on his arm and the doctor stopped him.

“Don't touch that. You'll infect yourself.” She turned to Jack and sighed “Yeah, he's in shock. I'm going to need to treat this wound and warm him up some.” She pulled out some rubbing alcohol, a needle and medical thread and some bandages and got to work cleaning out the wound and stopping the bleeding by sewing it up and wrapping it tightly. Jack had taken off his own leather jacket and handed it to the doctor who pulled it around Mac's shoulders. “He'll be okay, physically that is. He seems real shook up.”

“You don't know Mac like I do, he'll bounce back.”

“I know Macgyver's one for adapting but I don't think anyone at HQ has _ever_ seen him this shaken.”

Jack frowned “Yeah, Murdoc... Murdoc gets under his skin.” The doctor spared a glance to the dead body of Murdoc as the agents covered him with a tarp and went to move him. “More than anyone else we've ever encountered. Not even The Ghost has gotten him this riled up.”

The doctor and Jack helped Mac to his feet and up the stairs and then Jack put him in the car and went around to the other side of it and climbed in next to him, the doctor went to a different car. The car they were in and the car full of non-essential personnel like the doctor and others who were no longer required drove back to the base whilst the investigators and forensic teams stuck around.

Mac didn't speak the entire way back and not for lack of trying on Jack's part, he even gave him a paper clip but when they reached the base Mac handed him back a perfectly in tact clip. Jack stared at it like it was a UFO and when Matty came out to greet them she saw the clip and frowned, understanding what must have happened.


	2. Lost.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened when he got kidnapped.

“He didn't bend the clip into some random shape?” Matty asked, worried.

“No. He- Matty he's really messed up.”

“Yeah, I just got the medical report from Doctor Lee and agents who were on scene have been calling me this whole time worried sick about Macgyver.” She check where the agent in question was and saw he had gone all the way down the hall towards her office so she turned back to Jack and whispered “I saw the pictures.”

“It's even worse in real life. I didn't know Mac was capable of that.”

“I'm going to have to bench him for a while, even in the army he was never the kind to go around killing people willy nilly and the missing limbs?”

“Yeah it was over kill. That at least is in line with Mac, he always does the absolute most.”

“But not to hurt people. His goal has always been to save-” her phone buzzed. She looked at it and her scowl deepened with every passing second. She shook her head angrily “Even in death he has a plan.”

Then Jack's phone pinged. The same video that Matty had witnessed appeared on his phone. Suddenly all around them agent's phones started pinging like crazy, tablets were hijacked and every screen in the whole Foundation, including the one in the War Room where Mac was currently sitting, all started playing a video.

A video of Macgyver being tortured by Murdoc. It started off pretty regular, Murdoc after information and Macgyver chatting back with some smart ass responses and then Murdoc changed tacts. 

“You know you and me are pretty similar.”

“We're literally nothing alike. And haven't we had this conversation before?”

“But I never got to finish it, I got cut off by you lunging across the table at a poor defenceless and hand cuffed man.”

Macgyver shot him a glare “Well excuse me if in my current situation I'm not sympathetic.”

“No! Don't be, I'm glad you did that. It really opened my eyes!”

“What? It did?”

“It made me realise we were more similar than I originally thought! I figured you saved people for the love of saving people and we were similar because you took down the bad guys as a job, I take down the bad guys as a job; both of us are technically breaking the law seeing as your agency doesn't exist but then I realised something about you.”

Mac sighed expecting nonsense. “What did you realise about me?”

“You don't fight bad guys to save people, you do it for the chase! You like the challenge, you like being smarter than everyone else in the room, that's why you left MIT and joined the army. War was a problem no one had solved yet and you wanted to have a crack at it.”

“What? That's ridiculous.”

“You love the thrill of the chase, solving the mystery, you don't give a rats ass whether the people live or die but keeping them alive is part of the challenge. That's why you do this, you crave it, like how I crave this. You and I are do the same thing, we satisfy our cravings whilst fitting into a box of some sort, the only difference is I don't hide my proclivities, I like killing so I kill. You like it just as much only you keep it all buried inside you. One of these days you're going to snap, you're going to break so bad not even little Matty Webber will want you back.”

Mac's jaw looked tensed in denial, anger and hatred “Of course I care about saving people, why would I do this if I didn't care?”

“I already told you why, it's part of the challenge. Come on Macgyver you're smarter than that, you're buying time so you can get free or so Jack can come save you. They won't find you until I want to be found.”

“And when will you want to be found?”

“When you're so completely ruined you won't be able to go back. When you realise you're just like me and do something so depraved, so sick, so evil you won't even be able to look at yourself in the mirror.”

“Somehow I doubt I'll do something like that.”

“Macgyver,” he said in a sing-song voice “have some faith in ol' Murdoc, will you?”

“You should have said 'ye of little faith' if you're trying to be cliché.”

“I'm anything but. Macgyver I heard you've been looking for dear old dad.”

“You've been tugging on this string for a while now, it's getting old.”

“Why do you think I keep bringing it up? I wanted to make sure all my planning hadn't been for nought. You sent him a letter.”

Mac frowned “How'd you-”

“It got bounced all across the globe before being returned to you.”

“Where did you-”

“You found his house, burnt down and there was a tape, a film reel under the floor boards. Much like the hidden compartment in your own floor.”

“You were in my room?!”

“At Christmas, I put a little gift under the tree.”

Macgyver's eyes widened “No, that was from my dad...”

“For someone so smart, you're awfully gullible.”

“No.”

“You never even considered the possibility-”

“No!”

“-that it wasn't your dad.”

“It was you? This whole time?”

“Surprise!”

“What did you do to my dad!?”

“That's the beauty of it, I haven't done anything to the guy. Macgyver don't you see; there's no big conspiracy, no hidden codes, no secret deeper meaning for why your dad didn't stick around.” Murdoc sharpened the blade of his scalpel and prepared to cut into Macgyver's arm, to start the torture, “He left you because he didn't want you, he didn't care about you and he clearly never loved y-”

Macgyver leapt out of the chair having finally cut his hands free of his restraints through some cool Macgyver-ism and tightened them around Murdoc's throat, in the commotion, the scalpel ended up embedded pretty deep into Mac's arm. Several guards came rushing in to defend Murdoc but Mac simply picked up one of the blades on the torture tray and flung it at the first guys heart, it hit with deadly accuracy and the guy dropped, dropping his hand gun as he did so. Macgyver slid across the floor grabbed the gun and shot the guards with frighteningly faultless aim, two shots in the head each. When he ran out of bullets but more guards were pouring in, he grabbed a larger blade from the table and swung it wildly, he sliced clean through someone's arm and they screamed, clutching it close as they tried to stem the blood flow from their now stump, someone else took a knife to the jugular and gurgled, drowning to death on their own blood.

The massacre continued on until the guards stopped pouring in and Murdoc laughed the whole time, laughed and laughed and laughed. “What's so funny!?” Mac yelled at him.

“This feels like Christmas. I'm winning!”

“All your guards are dead. I could kill you right now.” Mac picked up a gun and held it to his head “You wouldn't be able to stop me, how is that winning?”

“Would you kill me Macgyver?”

“Well it's either kill you or cart you back to jail where you'll either cause more trouble or escape again.”

“There you go again, pretending it's for the greater good.”

“It _is_ for the greater good! You hurt Bozer, you tried to kill Jack and Riley and me! You shot Cage and you recruited a whole bunch of assassins to your little Assassin Avengers! You're dangerous!”

“So lock me up, get me off the streets” he held out his hands “I surrender. Arrest me Macgyver.” but he was still laughing even as he did so “You know, with as hard as you've been searching you would have thought you'd find a real clue to your dad. I mean he's not a spy, he's just a dead beat, you should be able to find him. You know, Richard Dean Macgyver, should look a little like you, he should be easy to track down but you were too side tracked with my little goose chase to- ha! This is too funny I can't even finish my sentence!” he laughed some more and Macgyver's hand with the gun pointed at his head shook.

“Shut up.” He poked him harshly in the head with the gun, “I said shut up! Stop laughing!”

“The problem is me laughing, the solution is...” he left it hanging to Mac to answer.

“You shutting your god damn mouth! Stop laughing God damn it!”

“Make me!” he giggled.

Macgyver growled, threw down the gun, next to them and lunged at Murdoc, pushing him to the ground. Mac's hands went straight for Murdoc's neck and they tightened even as Murdoc's laughter lessened as the oxygen to his lungs lessened. His eyes grew dim as his brain stopped receiving oxygen but his smile remained, even as he breathed his final breath and stilled to the point of death.

Mac pulled back when the laughter stopped. His hand went to his mouth as it sunk in what he had done but there was blood on his hands so he stopped that too. He lumbered back and onto his knees, leaning forward until he was on his hands and knees and sucking in deep breaths as if he were the one being choked. He looked up and into Murdoc's dead eyes staring at them as the hole in his arm slowly drained him of blood.

And then the video ended and was replaced by a new video, a video of Murdoc “If you're seeing this I'm dead. I was killed, murdered even, by Angus Macgyver, who would have thought! I'm sure I managed to slip into our conversation that I was winning, and I have won, even in death I am victorious! This was my master plan, to make Macgyver do something so depraved he'd never even want to look at himself. Plus I figured it would be fun to reveal to all Mac's old friends like Jack and Bozer and Riley and even Matty when he can _really_ do, what he's actually capable of. If you think I'm a monster at least I don't lie about my monstrous tendencies, Macgyver is ten times worse. Do all you techs still feel safe with Macgyver walking down the same LA corridors as you? I mean you poke a guy in the daddy issues hard enough and he snaps? That's not a good trait in an agent. Although about Mac's dad, I wasn't lying, I haven't harmed him in any way and he really did just up and leave for the hell of it. But it was really funny watching Mac and Jack run around trying to get clues. I paid Mac's dad $500 and he gave me the watch, I paid him $50 to not reply to the letter, because yeah the letter did reach him and then I paid him $100 for the kind of wrapping paper that would signal to Macgyver that it was from his dad. He really did not give one shit about his son, it was actually kind of sad, even I care more about my son and I'm a psychopath!” he laughed for a bit “Anyways, I'm dead, Macgyver's ruined and I've won. This was totally worth it. This gloating video has now become my last will and testament I want my grave to read 'Even in death he beat Macgyver' don't disrespect a man's dying with Matty. Goodbye forever.”

Jack threw his phone at the ground “Mac's not ruined! Mac's saved all of our lives more times than we can count, no one in this whole organisation would turn their backs on him!” He looked around looking for support. Riley, Bozer, Matty, Cage and Jill seemed to be the only ones who were willing to give it. Everyone else, field agents and techs alike looked away, biting their lips and blushing. “Oh you can't be serious!” He turned to Matty “Where'd Mac go?”

“He went into my office.” she replied, already speed walking in that direction.

Bozer ran ahead looking for his best friend and Jack was right behind him. Bozer froze in the doorway “He's gone!”

Jack swore “Of course he's gone. He probably watched Murdoc's video, thought it was correct and bolted.”

Riley whispered “Well I mean he wasn't wrong.” As the six of them gathered in Matty's office she shrugged “Everyone in this room are the only people in the Foundation who apparently still trust him.”

Jill nodded with a frown “Yeah, none of the other techs looked all that into Mac at the moment. But they know him, they'll get over it. I mean he's Macgyver, he's basically the heart of the Phoenix Foundation.”

Cage sighed “I don't know if this feeling they have for Mac is temporary, they're all smart people, they know what years in the army and the field can do to a mind and none of them even seemed sympathetic. All the vets and field agents looked as put off as the techs, if the vets can't forgive a lapse like that even after everything Macgyver's done for them I'm not certain anyone will.”

Jack sighed “We still have to find him, he's out there alone.”

Matty sighed “Actually I think it would be best if we didn't find him.”

“What!” Bozer exclaimed.

“Yeah what do you mean we don't find him?” Riley added, equally as outraged.

“Mac killed those men, we all saw it. If we catch him, I'll have to question him and Mac will tell me the truth and when he does I'll have to arrest him and then hand him over to over-sight.”

Jill frowned “But can't he do the insanity plea. I mean he was being tortured, I'd say that's fair.”

“Except he's not a regular citizen. He's an agent for an organisation so secret I don't even think the President knows about us. If Mac's unstable they'll want to find a way to keep him silent.”

Bozer's eyes widened “They'll kill him? But that's unconstitutional!”

“This is black ops Bozer, everything about it is unconstitutional. And even if they don't kill him, they'll toss him in a hole and throw away the key.”

“But he's Macgyver, he'll improvise his own key.” Riley replied.

Matty shook her head sadly “Trust me when I say not this time he wouldn't. In your own time _without_ using Phoenix Foundation resources you can try and find him but I can't know about it and he can't come back here. I'm sorry guys but I can't help you.”

Jack sighed “So that's it, Mac's just...gone?”

Cage's head fell “Things will be so odd here without him. I've barely been on a mission without him, it will be so different.”

Bozer wasn't ashamed to admit he was crying “He brought me into this, I can't do this without him!”

Riley sighed “Apart from Jill, none of us have been here without Macgyver also being here. He was here when all of us started, I guess I kinda assumed he'd be here after I left as well.”

Jack sat down heavily “To me, he _was_ the Phoenix Foundation. There was no Phoenix without him, he was the foundation.”


End file.
